On a train, underground, Alex told me he looked me up online.
The train was full of people, and he and I huddled close, next to each other in two small seats.
It’s too much, he said. When I saw you on my computer screen like that, it wasn’t a good feeling.
This was seven months into our relationship.
Why didn’t you tell me before you looked? I asked him. I could’ve been there with you.
I’m telling you now. It made me feel sick, he said. What does it matter if I looked with you or not?
Because I’ve been asking you to look with me. This whole time, I’ve been begging you to look at my scenes with me, so we could do it together, and you just looked without me?
Well, he said, I didn’t have you there.
I turned to the window. I didn’t want everyone in the train to see my face.